Hijinks
by alphayamergo
Summary: "So, would sleeping with Red be considered beastiality?" A series of drabbles and hijinks as Emma gets used to living in a town full of fairytale characters. Post-finale. Mentions of Snowing, Rumbelle, and depending on how you look at it, Red Swan and Wooden Swan.
1. Of Conversations over Breakfast

**I do not own Once Upon A Time.**

**I'm not entirely sure where this came from.**

"So would sleeping with Red be considered beastiality?" asked Emma over breakfast. Charming and Henry were both still asleep, neither early risers.

Snow had been rather unfortunate to just be taking a sip of her hot chocolate (with cinnamon, of course) when Emma asked the question. In surprise she did a spit take, spraying the hot liquid everywhere.

Emma ducked down with a record reaction time so she was half under the table, just avoiding the cocoa. After a moment, the top half of her head appeared again, peeking up above the table warily.

"Why do you ask?" Snow managed to ask finally.

Emma shrugged. "I was just curious. So, is it?"

Snow pondered the question for a few seconds. Then she shrugged. "No more than sleeping with Pinocchio would be considered objectum sexuality."


	2. Of Glass Slippers And Pet Names

Glass slippers were not fun.

Emma had no idea why she was in them. According to – well, everyone, these babies had been all the rage since the ball that Ella and Thomas had met at. Now people's memories were starting to return, women had begun to wear them again, and Emma had somehow been suckered into wearing them.

Cracks in the side walk also seemed to have been created simply to annoy Emma.

She accidentally stood in one and the heel got stuck, so Emma's ankle twisted as she tried to pull it out. Then the other slipper had promptly shattered, glass going everywhere – including Emma's foot – so she was stuck, sitting on the side walk with a sprained ankle and large pieces of glass stuck in her foot.

Rumplestiltskin walked up to her. "Such a saviour," he tutted.

She glared. "Shut up_ Rumpy_."

"My name is not Rumpy!" he exclaimed, annoyed.

Emma smirked. "Don't lie. I heard Belle calling you that. Is that her little pet name for you?" She fake gasped. "Is that her _bed room_ name for you?"

Rumplestiltskin glared at her for a moment longer before turning around and flouncing away.

Emma grinned.

_Victory._


	3. Of History Lessons and Take Overs

Snow stood as the front of the class room, preparing to begin the lesson. It had been decided at the first town meeting after the curse broke that everyone would try to continue the professions they'd had while under the curse, mostly because the former doctors were the only ones who knew how the machinary worked and the teachers should continue teaching to have some stability for the children.

The curriculum had been overhauled so that the rest of the year (or until they returned to their home world, depending on which came first) was essentially just on the history and culture of the Enchanted Forest. There would still be a bit of maths and stuff like that, but it was almost all to do with the Enchangted Forest in some way. After twenty eight years of learning about civil wars and presidents and founding fathers, the kids knew very little about the world of their birth.

"Okay," started Snow. "Does anyone have a period they'd like to learn about first?" She figured that since they had the rest of the year on this, she might as well let the kids pick a few of the topics they were going to cover.

Near the back, a hand shot up. A hand that most definitely did not belong to anyone in her class. Snow wondered how she hadn't noticed her before.

"Emma?" she asked in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"Weeeell," replied Emma, dragging the word out, "I figured that I really know nothing about the Enchanted Forest, even less than these guys, so I should really come attend these classes when possible. Being the Saviour and all, some basic knowledge might help. Then Henry fully conned me into it." Henry looked at his mother indignantly as she said this, causing a few of his classmates to giggle.

"So can we do the Evil Queen's take over and onwards?" Emma leaned forward, her elbows on the desk and her head resting her hands. She looked up at Snow pleadingly through her eyelashes.

"You're twenty eight. How are you so good at the puppy dog eyes?" Snow wondered aloud.

Emma shrugged, ruining the effect. "Henry had to get it from somewhere."

"Can we please do the Evil Queen's take over?" asked Gretel. A few others, including Hansel and Grace, echoed her. '_They just want to do this because they already know it, and it'll be easy,'_ thought Snow. She sighed internally.

"Alright." There were a few 'yes'es around the classroom, one in particular coming from Emma. "There was once a young woman named Regina…"


End file.
